Return

Hallo all.  So I returned from my mission in Tokyo Japan a little over a month ago and am transitioning to not being a full-time missionary.

Nakamoto san's baptism and Sister Crane 

Li Bing  

Dear friends in Koiwa

While the jet-lag has worn off, the suitcases have been mostly unpacked, photos and stories shared, homecoming talks given, and long-time-no-see people have been greeted, I feel like I'm still not really caught up with it all yet.  You know how when you return something to a store its assumed that the item has been unaltered and you are simply returning it as is, without anything changed?  I guess I thought that is what I would be doing as I ended my mission, but found instead that I had changed much during my mission (and I am SO grateful that I did) but the changes didn't fully manifest themselves until I came in contact full force with the environment that I had before I left.  And while those changes are amusing at times, sometimes I find myself bewildered, and just really uncertain.  Its like I expected to go back and found a one-way sign instead.

And rather than just taking it in stride and having an adventurous blast of things, I get hesitant, sweaty-palmed, and sick-stomached, tied up in knots about what to do next.  I panic, to put it simply, but I feel like I try to mask that panic with feeble smiles, comments to brush off concern, and brainstorm to the point of over thinking.  For it just wouldn't do to have others know that I didn't know exactly what I was doing.  Ha.

Fortunately, there is One who knows all this and waits patiently for me to come asking for help--or rather finally accepting and acting on His invitation to come.  I am glad that He doesn't change and will help anyone who seeks Him with questions of what to do in this one way life.  It is beautiful.  It reminds me of a poem that I have loved for a long time.  

" 'Come to the edge', He said. 
'We are afraid', we said 
'Come to the edge" He said. 
And we came. And He pushed us... 
And we flew."
Guillaume Apollinaire

OK then.  To the edge I can come.  It might take a while, but I know that I can trust Jesus Christ, the Good Shepherd who calls His sheep by name.  This whole thing reminds me of something my mission president shared with us and made our mission scripture.  D&C 128:22 "Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad."   Rather than turn back like I mistakenly thought I would-I am so glad to move forward with this one way life, seeking to have courage and love and joy.  Is it not good?